Family
Issues #9 – The Dance of Courtship (Gen
Introduction – The way of a man
with a woman, from the time of courtship and through their final wedding
anniversary, is a great mystery. Paul
makes this clear in Eph 5:31-32. Time and
again through this series, we have emphasized the need to grow in wisdom. Family issues cannot be handled in a clunky,
wooden, one-size-fits-all kind of way.
At the same time, in attempting to recover and reconstruct a Christian
culture that spans generations, we ought not to neglect the instruction and
examples of those who have come before us.
Dating, as it is commonly called, would never have been an acceptable
option in godly cultures of the past. It
is the fruit of egalitarianism, individualism, and anti-covenantal
thinking. But as we learn the dance of
courtship, we must learn wisdom, we must apply
principles to develop methods, and not vice-versa.
The Pursuit of Marriage – It is a good
and proper attitude for a woman to desire to be married and for a man to pursue
a woman for the purpose of marriage. It
is possible to desire without covetousness and with contentment and
thankfulness in present circumstances.
Remember, it was God who said, “It is not good for man to be alone.”
Good Reasons
– Marriage is good because it is God’s provision for companionship and sexual
intimacy (Gen
Bad Reasons
– Peer pressure in different adolescent (and adult) settings can be brutal,
even within Christian circles. As
parents, we must remember that there is a pressure for our kids to pair-off
because, frankly, it’s fun. Children
need to learn that pairing-off without intent or ability to marry is simply a
recipe for disaster. How many horror
stories could we tell?
Two Elements of Marriage – As defined
through the scripture, the Lord has given us something that has a public and
private (but publicly acknowledged) portion.
A Covenant
(Mal
Sexual
And Therefore
– A covenant without sexual union is an unconsummated marriage. Sexual union without a covenant (becoming
‘one flesh’ – 1 Cor
Purpose of ‘the Dance’ – We will deal
with some principles later. The
overarching purposes of this mysterious dance should be -
To Avoid Sexual
Immorality – Since one of the purposes of marriage is to
avoid sexual immorality, then all that we do in our preparation and pursuit of
marriage must be to avoid sexual immorality.
Therefore, nothing a man and a woman do together before marriage should
be leading towards sexual immorality (Eph 5:3).
To Recognize
Godly Lines of Authority – The young man’s actions towards the woman
he is interested in are all the responsibility of her father. This is not because we are ‘old fashioned’ or
‘uptight’. It is because we are thinking
covenantally. The son leaves his fathers
household to establish a new household.
The daughter is given to the young man by her father to join her new
husband’s household. When this is done
with wisdom, the woman receives protection, honor in every station, and
blessing from the Lord.
To Develop
Cultural Norms – We are people, not minds with the unfortunate
addition of unnecessary bodies. It is
not enough to ascent to all that is wrong with our culture’s ‘dating
game.’ We must develop godly cultural
practices so that the ‘Smith’s’ and the ‘Jones’s’ know how to interact with one
another as their children grow up.
Another application is for the single men and women who do not have this
culture in their home to have some handles for courting in an appropriate and
godly manner.
Conclusion – If we want to take
the Bible’s teaching on family seriously, we must equally take the Bible’s
teaching on forming a family seriously.
This a part of our koinonia, our fellowship in
Christ with one another, for a marriage and all the preparation of marriage is
never simply speaking of that marriage, but of the church and her Husband, the
Lord Jesus Christ.