Family
Issues #8 – Honoring the Women in Your Home (1
Pet 3:7)
Introduction –
In reclaiming biblical, male, masculine leadership in the home we are
out-of-hand denying egalitarianism, which is a great judgment upon the church
and surrounding culture today. Our
reaction must not be carnal, ‘putting women back in their place.’ It must be biblical, lifting women back to
their noble position in order to produce the fruit of honor towards women that
the scriptures require.
A Culture of Honor Starting with the Wife
(1 Pet 3:7) – This verse is to be applied not only with the idea of instructing
a man how to treat his wife. This is
also the basis for teaching his son how to treat his mother, his own wife one
day, and women generally.
“Husbands,
likewise…” – Christ is our perfect example as to how we
are to dwell with one another (2:21-25).
Husbands particularly should manifest this servant-leadership in
dwelling with their wives with understanding and giving honor as to a weaker
vessel. Think about how much weaker the
bride is than Christ. Think about how
that Husband seeks to know and love and sanctify His bride by His understanding
of her and what she needs. Think of how
much honor He is giving and will give to this weaker vessel. This is what every husband is to show his
bride.
Teaching Honor
– What do the children learn? They
should see a man who sacrifices his own desires for hers. They should see a man who leads with
understanding and obvious love. They
should see a man who does not compete with his wife, who is always thanking her
for another meal, for how she keeps the home, for how she instructs the
children, for how she ministers in good deeds to others.
Living as
Coheirs – It should be obvious that she is also your
sister in Christ, and on that level you share the same position before God –
saved by grace alone (Gal 3:28-29). It
should be obvious as to how he needs her nobility alongside him in order to
effectively have dominion over the earth.
Gender
Differences – All of this assumes that while a man is to
understand and honor his wife, he is not to do so by becoming feminine. He needs to get in touch with her feelings,
not his. He needs to lead her in the
noble work of home-centered ministry, but he is not to be home-centered in
that way.
Honor Your Mother (Prov 1:7-8, 6:20-21,
31:1, Eph 6:1-3) – A son is to honor his father and his mother. He should learn how to honor his mother by
watching his father and by hearing the Word.
Proverbs tells him that her word is law.
Her word is a pacemaker of life for his heart and precious gold and
jewels around his neck. Only a fool
would reject the counsel of his mother.
Of course, these commands are for daughters as well, who are instructed
to obey their parents in the Lord.
Honor and
Manners – Honor must be manifest in how we live, talk,
and acknowledge one another. It is
important that children do not grow up thinking that manners are something their
mother made them do for her. Rather,
they must see that their father taught them that ‘this is how we honor your
mother; this is how we show respect towards women. This is why you say, ‘yes, m’am’ and
not ‘yeeaaahoooookaayy’. This is
why you stand for women, hold their doors for them and the like. And this is why you pay particular close
attention to your mother whenever she is talking to you.’
The Connection of Honor to Sexual Fidelity
(Heb 13:4) – The marriage bed is honorable. If he has grown up his whole life respecting
women, it will be harder for a son to degrade a woman when he is tempted with
sexual immorality – and he will be. But
this is a place to address two of his greatest temptations: fornication and lust.
The
Dishonorable Harlot (Prov 6:20 – 7:27) – Why should he not
do this? There will be days where his
body will tell him how pleasurable this would be. But his father and mother have instructed him
– and her word is law. He has been shown
the path of life and the path of destruction.
He knows what consequences will come.
He does not want to be destroyed.
And he struggles because he is used to honoring women and their
femininity, not despising them.
Dishonor in
One’s Heart (Matt 5:27-30) – But what about what goes on in
his imagination? What about what he lets
himself watch, read, and listen to? Do
these things really dishonor women? Yes,
and Jesus says it is so important that he should be ready to mutilate himself,
if that would solve the problem. Women
are trashed today because our culture openly invites our boys to lust after
them for a small fee. Hear the
Word: to lust after a woman is to commit
adultery in your heart. ‘Decent’ people
do not like this teaching, because this application makes all men
adulterers. Holiness requires that we
not even desire to sin (Prov 24:8-9).
Those who give themselves to impurity will be lost (Gal 5:19-21). Justifying faith is persevering faith, so
those who do not pursue holiness will not see the Lord (Heb 12:14). Those who forsake the fight against lust will
perish (Col 3:5-6, Matt 5:30). A young
man must learn to fight, and here will be one of his greatest battles.
Protecting Your Sisters With Honor
– A young boy should be taught early on to respect his sister because she is a
girl. As they grow up together, his
outlook towards her should always be one of honor and protection. Therefore it is not to be weird if brothers
and sisters enjoy hanging out together, talking with one another.
Who’s Weaker?
(Song of Solomon 8:8-10) – We are commanded to protect our sisters. Is this because they are weak? Yes in one sense (8:4). But in another sense, this is because men are
so weak.
Conclusion –
The station of a woman is a place of great dignity and honor, whether a girl, a
virgin, a wife and mother, even as a widow or elderly lady. It is honored and respected throughout
Scripture and must be recovered in our culture as well.