Biblical
Childrearing – Part 2
Principles of
Training & Admonition
May
21, 2000 – Brett Baker
|
·
Children are a
gracious gift. ·
Children are
to be taught what to believe. ·
Childrearing
has eternal consequences ·
There is a
season for childrearing ·
Principles and
methods are not the same thing |
v
Introduction
In this message we will consider the principles that God has established with regard to disciplining our children. It is very important that as we consider these principles we remember the differences between principles and methods. We are not discussing techniques or tips and tricks for disciplining our children. If we believe that God has created us, and that He has left us His Word in the form of the Scriptures, then we are studying a book about rearing children that compares to no other.
Next week we will look at some of the methods that can be employed in carrying out the principles of disciplining our children. But it is important that those methods be carried out with an understanding of the principles so that we are doing what we do with knowledge and understanding.
v
Training and
admonition are of the Lord
4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your
children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
¨ Fathers, you are the central figure in the training and admonishing of your children. You must not simply be present or give your approval to its existence—it is yours to perform. You wisely will seek the help of your wife, but it is your responsibility.
¨ Training and admonishing are not something that you must devise; they are something that God has given to us as tools for rendering godly children unto Him. Training is the persistent and consistent inculcation of truth, principle and virtue. It applies to behavior, thoughts, desires and intentions. Admonition is a tool for training by the consistent correction of error or transgression.
v
Pour on the
Affection
10 You are witnesses,
and God also, how devoutly and justly and blamelessly we behaved ourselves
among you who believe; 11 as you know how we exhorted, and
comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children, 12
that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory.
¨ The process of raising children is not like playing Good Cop/Bad Cop where dad is the Bad Cop and mom is the Good Cop or vice versa. Essential to faithful admonition of children is an environment in the home of tenderness and comfort. Fathers and mothers, you must pour on the affection for your children so that when the time comes for discipline you and your children will sense the break in fellowship and will both crave its restoration.
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Differentiating
Discipline and Punishment
¨ The lines of distinction between discipline and punishment have been blurred and not brought back into focus well by the church in our nation. However, this distinction is of great importance and, if understood, will be very fruitful. The primary difference between discipline and punishment is found in their motivations. Discipline seeks to improve or advance the recipient of the discipline where punishment is only concerned with ensuring that justice is administered. We are motivated to discipline our children by our desire to see that they become godly men and women and that things should go well with them. Punishment does not look to improve the individual but is seeking to ensure that the penalty for an offense is paid. If only the civil magistrate could learn this…
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Training and
admonition must be delivered in faith.
6 Train
up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from
it.
Proverbs 22:15
15 Foolishness is
bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from
him.
Psalm 103:15-19
15 As
for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. 16 For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, And its
place remembers it no more. 17 But
the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting On those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children's children, 18 To
such as keep His covenant, And to those who remember His commandments to do
them. 19 The LORD has established His
throne in heaven, And His kingdom rules over all.
¨ God’s sovereignty is exhaustive in that His rule is over all things—even your children. He has built all of them in such that they will need this type of instruction. We should never be embarrassed or look down on others in our fellowship when their children sin—they all do. However, parents should be ashamed if they don’t do anything about it. We are administering discipline in faith believing God for the sanctification and growth.
¨ Please meditate on the fact that God has said that if we do these things, the other things will happen. Our situation is very clear; either we believe God’s promises or not. He has said that if we do these things the fruit of righteousness will come from it. It is on this basis that we do these things. We don’t see the harvest now but we can see it by faith—and faith is an incomparable ground of confidence.
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If discipline is
not painful, it will not be fruitful.
Hebrews 12:5-11
5 And you have forgotten the
exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: "My son, do not despise the
chastening of the LORD, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; 6 For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges
every son whom He receives." 7 If you endure chastening, God deals
with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? 8 But if you are
without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are
illegitimate and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we have had human
fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more
readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they
indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our
profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. 11 Now no chastening seems to be joyful
for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable
fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
¨ The fact that discipline is unpleasant or painful is in no way an excuse for not doing it. God has built the world in such a way that this is true. Pain is a gift from God for instruction—a gift to be used wisely and in faith. Despite its unpleasantness, God has declared that it will yield the peaceable fruit of righteousness.
¨ Notice that administering painful discipline is not outside of love. This is the means by which God declares our sonship; God disciplines us in love. Now, remember what we said last week that fathers and mothers (especially fathers) are to poor on the affection and attention at all times. Then when discipline is necessary, they continue to demonstrate their love for their children by doing so. Even though unpleasant discipline is administered, love continues and is actually made manifest.
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We must teach
them that we love God by obeying Him joyfully.
1 John 5:1-4
1 Whoever believes that Jesus is the
Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves Him who begot also loves him who
is begotten of Him. 2 By this we know that we love the
children of God, when we love God and keep His commandments. 3 For this is
the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not
burdensome. 4 For
whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has
overcome the world -- our faith. (NKJV)
¨ Here we have a direct command that we are told to teach our children to love God. But the question remains, what is love for God? We show our love for God when we obey His commands. Our love is made manifest by our actions. Through our actions, our love for God is substantiated. In addition, love for God, means that His commands are never burdensome. Even if difficult, it is a privilege and a blessing to obey God. We must teach our children not only to conform or comply on the outside, we must teach them to love virtue and to obey joyfully.